Are you not seeing the results you want in your dating life? In this blog, I let you in on 4 mindset shifts that will dramatically improve your approach to getting your dream relationship.
If you’re a reader of my content, odds are you’re either in a romantic relationship already, or are looking to get into one. Maybe you are looking to get married: I know, for some reason, we as women are scared to admit this nowadays. Well, this is a safe space, girl, and I’m here to tell you how to not only start attracting the marriage-material type of men into your life, but also getting them to adore and deeply value you.
Let me let you in on something: Attracting the relationship you want has little to do with your appearance and everything to do with your mindset and the energy you bring. If you think I’m wrong, consider why we see some of the most gorgeous women on planet Earth still struggle in their love life? Perhaps they are going after the wrong men. They have the wrong mindset. They don’t understand how much power they have.
And let me be clear, I by no means am saying to neglect your appearance. I’m saying you really start to see a change in your love life and in your confidence when you make some pivotal mindset shifts in your approach to men. To do this, you may need to re-wire your brain from what you’ve been taught, because spoiler alert? We, as women have been taught many myths.
I’ve created this blog to debunk those myths and give it to you straight. So let’s dive in, yeah?
4 mindset shifts to attract the right men into your life
1: You are the prize.
I always have to remind women something they constantly forget – you are the prize, love. There’s a common misconception that in order to win him over, we have to do more and prove to him you’re ‘wifey material’ – so you roll up the sleeves and cook for him, clean for him, check in on him like you’re his mama.
You do all this work to prove to him how great you are – but I’m telling you right now this way of thinking is a lie, and it will get you into trouble. You need to stop having a performance mindset and realize the magical power you have as a woman. You hold the keys to whether this man enters your life or not.
So ask yourself this: Do you even like him? How do you feel when you’re with him? How does he treat you? Is he adding anything to your life? Does he want the same things you want?
These are the questions you need to be asking, instead of questions like – what can I do to get him to like me? What should I bake for him this week to win him over? If I make sure he takes his medicine, will he see my value? Trust me, men do not fall in love with a woman based on what they do for them.
The key during dating is to be yourself - your magical, positive, radiant self. A woman who has a rich inner peace and full, abundant life, a woman who is confident in herself and what she wants. Instead of working on him, work on getting to that version of you. And then you watch and see what he does. If he fumbles and ghosts you? Boring. Ew. We don’t want people who don’t see our value. If he recognizes your magic and is a consistently positive presence in your life, perhaps this is someone to take seriously. This shift in thinking will change everything for you.
2: It’s okay to want and need a man.
For some reason, this has become a shameful thing to admit. We, as women, have come to a place of agreement that we no longer need a man but instead we may want one.
Guess what? Both things can be true, and there’s no shame in that. I for one value community, and I prefer to live in community as a family and have shared goals. Sure, it can make you feel powerful to do it all on your own, but it also may make you tired!
There’s a new, modern fairy tale nowadays that says we should work towards success and independence, and it’s bad to need a man. Like a new version of Cinderella that is trapping women into a new storyline but has ultimately the same goal: To attract love. This way of thinking sadly doesn’t come true. I talk about this in my book…
“It feels like we’re navigating through a maze of mixed signals, where the messages about what it takes to be appreciated or loved are as clear as mud. On one hand, society seems to be pushing us towards monumental achievements and fierce independence as the gold standard for recognition, especially from men. It’s as if our worth is pegged to our accomplishments and our ability to stand alone, strong and unaided.”
And while I think you should absolutely have goals for yourself to be working on, I’m here to tell you, a man isn’t in love with you because of your external accomplishments. You don’t have to achieve to impress him.
He needs to love for who you are. But also the woman that you are needs to be admirable. So the invitation here, is to become the version of you you’ve always wanted to be…a confident, poised, feminine woman who is comfortable in her own skin. A woman that is easy to be with, easy to talk to, has an empathetic nature and kind spirit. Be this for him, and watch how things change for you.
3: Don’t convince anyone to be with you.
Do you know why the courting period used to exist? Because women would know that men were genuinely into them, meaning it was worth setting up a life with him. You need to start thinking in this way, even in a modern world that tells you women need to ‘bring something to the table.’ Here’s what you bring to the table: Good energy. A fun conversation. Beauty. Confidence. Wisdom.
It’s not your job to convert anything. They’re courting you, not the other way around. So even when he hits you with the “You’re amazing, let’s make this serious,” it’s time to do a little homework. You revisit the notes you’ve been keeping and decide if it’s best for you to clear the other suitors and focus on him.
The new rule for you, my love: we’re not in the game of convincing people to be with us. This is how you get into a 6-month long ‘situationship’ that leaves you with a broken heart. If he’s unsure about you? Boring. Yuck. Onto the next. Listen to him the first time he says it, trust me, do not waste your time and energy trying to change someone’s mind. There are a million other men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you, I promise you.
4: Put yourself first.
Let me tell you another secret about men that you probably have been told is the opposite of the truth: Men love selfish women. I don’t mean selfish in the sense that you’re just using him, I mean you genuinely value your time and energy, because you know these things are precious, and you don’t drop everything for a guy.
Men don’t choose girls who do everything for them, they often are drawn to women who seem difficult to attain. So, my general rule is to be easy to be with, and hard to get. And before you say “I don’t want to play games, I don’t want to play hard to get’ – STOP.
I didn’t say play hard to get, I said be hard to get. There is a huge difference.
The woman who is genuinely hard to get is busy with her own life – she has fulfilling friendships and relationships with family, hobbies, and she’s constantly working on herself. She is always trying to evolve and grow into becoming ‘that girl’ – the girl that possesses genuine happiness, joy and kindness.
She does what she wants, especially in the beginning of a relationship. What does that look like? When he calls for last minute plans, she isn’t always available. Perhaps she’s at home, wrapped up in a self-development book and can’t be bothered to drop everything to go meet him. Perhaps when he calls and wants to talk multiple times a day, she is busy working or with friends, and can’t always pick up the phone.
The key here is to focus on you and do what’s best for you, especially when it comes to being with someone who has not yet committed to you yet. Never stop and drop your life for a man – it’s a waste of time and energy, my love, and it could actually be hurting you.
Become irresistible by focusing on YOU
So, to bring it full circle, let’s discuss some key things we learned today:
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Men do not fall in love with a woman solely because of her looks (that’s lust).
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Men do not fall in love with a woman based on her external achievements (this a lie that modern society has placed in our heads).
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Men DO fall in love with a confident, radiant, genuinely happy woman (prioritize becoming this version of yourself).
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Men DO fall in love with a smart woman who knows what she wants, knows her value and doesn’t waste her time on people that don’t court her (this is how women get into the wrong relationships that leave them heartbroken).
So, how do you do this? How do you become this 2.0 version of yourself – this woman who walks into a room and oozes positive, intriguing, captivating energy? The secret is in unlocking your feminine energy and cultivating a deep sense of self-love and self-care. It’s connecting with your inner goddess, unveiling a new, confident version of you.
I have a whole masterclass, “20 Feminine Energy Principles,” on how to do just that. If you struggle to attract abundance, love, and joy in your life - I made this class just for you, and I am so glad you’re here.
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Love you lots like jelly tots,
XX Margarita
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