Anxious attachment style is very common, and if you have it, you know it’s not fun. What causes it, what are the signs you have it and how do you shift to secure attachment?
I know firsthand how difficult it can be to have an anxious attachment style, because I used to have it. It’s miserable, isn’t it? It was dire for me, and I think my life would have been a lot different if I had developed a secure attachment style earlier on.
I’ve realized the work I have done on myself to heal my attachment style was the key game changer for me – by doing so, I have improved my relationship, my friendships, my feminine energy, and my confidence.
So, I want to dive into this subject today because I know how it consumed my life and hindered my relationships until I fixed it. If you are trying to navigate this, I want to tell you exactly the steps I took to heal because I know it will help you, too. But first, let’s get to the root of the issue.
What causes anxious attachment?
Somewhere along the line, possibly during your childhood, you experienced trauma or neglect that led you here. It’s nothing you did wrong, or anything someone else did, necessarily. It doesn’t have to be life-altering or done with malintent by any means – it could be that when you were little, your mom had to drop you off at daycare while she went to work. When you were left there, your subconscious made you realize: People can abandon you.
That subconscious grew and was validated as you grew older as people came and went from your life. You developed a belief, subconscious or conscious, that people will leave you and so you develop an anxious attachment relationship style as a self-protection mechanism when you care for someone.
The truth of life is that nothing and no one is guaranteed to hold a permanent place in your life. People die, people move, people leave and people choose others every day. It’s not fair, but worrying about it is pointless because, at the end of the day nothing is certain.
No one can predict the future. All we can do is be present, be our most authentic selves and decide who we allow to enter our lives by interpreting their character based on the information they are giving us.
Understanding this is a crucial first step in your healing journey.
Being Her Letters from M